You Can Read Anyone

• Paperback: 204 pages
• Publisher: Viter Press (March 1, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0978631307
• ISBN-13: 978-0978631307

This is not a typical read-people book. Besides interpreting behaviours, Lieberman also addresses deeper issues that cause these behaviours to surface. The book is split into 2 portions – on how to interpret actions and their deeper underlying motivations. And excellent book to read!

For part 1, there are 7 areas to learn what other people are thinking/feeling

1. To find out whether they are hiding anything
1. Mind Read – observe response by linking subject by association with another. A defensive reaction or increase in interest might indicate something.
2. Checking for prior knowledge – by using false facts to see whether they are being corrected
3. Ask their opinion on subject
4. Dodge or declare – associate some activity with a fact and notice how the person reacts to the activity
5. Fear of folly – attaching marker to suspicion and not to the suspect
6. Ask how would they do it – avoidance of most simple way would indicate something

2. To find out their level of interest
1. Ghost image – facial expressions and usage of individualistic words (like me vs him) or group words (like we)
2. Projections – coming up with correlations
3. Language – euphemism as an indicator of disinterest
4. Using positive markers – to see whether person ignores or attach themselves to the marker.

3. Gauging confidence
   Self-esteem does not guarantee confidence but influences it somehow. Confidence is contextual and self-esteem is not, hence the former does not affect the latter.
1. Physical appearance (trembling, increased rate of blinking, vocal changes, swallowing)
2. Increased focus/awareness can indicate increased level of interest and possibly lower confidence
3. Checking for over-compensation (defensive and hence lower confidence)
4. Checking for superfluous gestures as lower confidence

4. Checking how things really are.
   The self-concept is shaped by events that are (i) personal specific (personal events), (ii) personal non-specific (transitory – good weather etc) and (iii) generic (general news). We hone in on certain events based on our predispositions, which further changes our perspective. Humans try to achieve a consistency in perspective. How do we find out their outlook on certain events?
1. Ask opinion about an unusual yet ambiguous event and see whether there’s optimism or pessimism
2. Look out for contradictions
3. ‘Clean slate’ – people are more optimistic of the future if they are forgiving of the past
4. Eye-assessing cues (for a right-hander)
   oLooks up – recalling visual
   o Looks left – remembering
   o Looks down – language and feelings
   o Looks right – constructing data

5. Measuring interest levels
1. More time invested, more effort indicates high interest.
   o Eye pupil dilation to take in more visual
   o Eyes keep going back to the same object

2. “Curiosity reveals the cat”
   o sending blank emails to ‘lure attention’
   o Create incentive and note whether there is any followup

3. Shifting reality – confidence is inversely proportional to interest level. Vary the success level and note any shift in mood (while maintaining possibility of success).

6. On whose side?
1. Helpfulness – gauge by varying effort level
2. ‘Free exchange’ – bait with false information and see whether it is corrected or see whether information is volunteered
3. ‘Eager Beaver’ – engage in a conversation that lets person volunteer information without effort, then ask about the key issue, noting any deviation in helpfulness.
4. 6-Star Test
   oInterest (followup)
   o Loyalty
   o Pride – gives praise and no jealousy
   o Honesty – when it upsets
   o Respect – curiosity versus concern
   o Sacrifice

5. The Big-Sell – note whether manipulative words are used. Such words are used for emotional theft.

7. Emotional Profiling
   Human nature is powered by 3 forces
1. Soul – conscience to do what is right
2. Ego – the desire to look good
3. Body – the want to escape

Self-esteem and self-control is closely intertwined. *Anything we do depending on others (for attention or approval) wears at us emotionally*

For part 2, the books goes deeper into human nature and how to measure self-esteem.

Profiling using SNAP
There is a difference between personality and character. The former varies according to circumstances and moods.

Colours of Thought
Primary

1. Self-esteem (master primary color) – self-worth, self-love
2. Confidence/self-efficacy – degree of competency in a given situation
3. Level of interest – personal stake

Secondary

a. Effort
b. Rationalisation
c. Beliefs
d. Moods

Self esteem and ego are inversely related. The ego distorts clarity of perspective and directs the person to put effort in changing the world instead of self. The bigger the ego, the easier it is to tell what a person is forced to see.

Impact of self-esteem (Maslow)

1. Type of interest – the lower the esteem, the higher the need for instant gratification and lower emotional maturity
2. Confidence – higher esteem translates to increased perseverance and less preoccupation with performance.
3. Effort – this affects mood. Higher the esteem, the stronger the call to do the right thing in the face of greater effort
4. Values/Beliefs – the higher the esteem, the healthier the values
5. Justification – higher the esteem, the broader the perspective and less self-delusional.
6. Mood override – higher the esteem, lesser dependence on mood.
   

5 pitfalls in identifying self-esteem

1. Ego as self-esteem
2. Confidence as self-esteem
3. Success translating to having higher self-esteem
4. Humility is weakness (on the contrary, it is fulfillment and emotional freedom)
5. Mood as self-esteem

The level of esteem can be gauged by the reflection of how a person treats himself and others. It is best to have low ego and high esteem. Low esteem and low ego usually describes people pleasers. Low esteem and high ego are people who abuse, are arrogant, attention-seeking and complains.