Bo talks about addictions in life and how we can be free of them in this book. He first recognises the fact that we are all sinners and hypocrites but then, knowing so, we can choose to not to be over time. Most of all, it is always our minds that limits our freedom. This book is great for people who are religious in nature who are looking for a Christian perspective on being free from crippling habits.
An addiction is defined by Bo as (1) a habit that cannot be stopped, (2) something that done repeatedly and (3) a habit that is harmful to life. Bo says that there is no one way to be free but many ways.
His book is divided into 7 parts and many small digestible chapters on how to get rid of addictions. They are as follows:
1) Discovering what you really need
- To recognise your hidden addiction (Eating, dieting, starving, spending, smoking, anger, worrying, complaining, coffee, sleeping, cleaning, working, lusting, religion, games, TV etc)
- To understand your hidden addiction is trying to do - (1) avoid a pain (2) fulfill an underlying need. Bo mentions that we all have a 'love tank' that needs to be filled.
- We can get rid of such an addiction by any various ways like - maturing, spiritual conversion, healing the past, dealing with the present, group therapy etc.
2) Focusing on Ambition and not Addiction
- "What you focus on grows" - we ought to focus on our goals and solutions instead of faults and barriers
- We must tame impatience and impulsiveness (delaying gratification)
- Our goals must be MAGIC (Measureable, Ambitious, Godly, Imaginative, Complete)
3) "Loving the Sinner and the Saint within"
Bo says that before we can deny ourselves, we must have a self that we accept and love in the first place.
We can love ourselves by:
a) Forgiving ourselves (We must not be 'proud of our sins' by hanging on to them)
b) Accepting weaknesses (There is nothing to forgive in weaknesses; we only forgive sins. Weaknesses are gifts to us for making us humble, making us more merciful to others and bonding us with other people who are suffering).
c) Feeling our feelings (instead of acting on our feelings) - this make us more aware of what we are going through and validates our emotions instead of dismissing them.
d) Trusting our needs - God always wants us to enjoy life, in the right way. We have to identify what drains us in meeting our needs (emotional, family, professional life, physical, financial, spiritual)
4) Shaping our outer world before it shapes us
The two most powerful forces in our lives are our relationships with others and the media. Hence to recreate our outer world, we
a) Say "NO" to toxic people who
- encourage our addiction
- hurt us
- manipulate you
- control you by force
- pass their responsibilities to you
- whine and invalidate you
b) Say "YES" to terrific people who
- nourish you emotionally, spiritually and intellectually (been there done that/mentor)
c) Control your media by what you read, watch and listen
One good quote/explanation from the bible was the good samaritan. He not only took care of others but he made sure he took care of his own needs (settling his own business) by enlisting other people(innkeeper) to help him help others.
It is always good to hang out with people you think you ought to learn from. You mirror the net worth of the people you mix around with.
5) Redefine yourself
"God made you so He knows you the best. For any broken parts, it makes sense always to go back to the manufacturer."
Bo talks about self-portraits in this part. Our self-portrait should originate from God and we are a child, a friend and a champion of God. We ought to focus on this divine self portrait and never give it up because it is who we truly are.
I figure it takes reflection and discernment here to figure who we truly are and how our talents can be used for the good of everyone. When our talents are deployed to the best use, we will feel accomplished even though they might be small things.
6) Get rid of Toxic faith which kills, harms and robs
5 symptoms of such faith are distorted images of:
a) God (that He is judgemental). God is never preoccupied with sin. Our relationship must be based on love and not shame.
b) Faithfulness (that it must be legalistic). We must not be so rigid that we let rituals overrule love.
c) Self (that we are condemned). We are the most loved by God.
d) Faith (which is hyper). Faith does not solve everything. God plays his part and so must we.
e) Faith system (which sometime abuses us). Our faith systems facilitates our relationship with God and not destroys it.
Real faith is about being loving and ready as God is. He is always patient and trusting, and ever waiting us to be ready to welcome Him.
7) Take Charge
We must be responsible for our own mess instead of blaming others. More often than not, we blame God for putting us in this circumstances (when it is actually the result of our choices); we blame the Devil for the evil in our lives (when we are actually giving Him more power to do so); we blame others for doing bad to us (when actually we allow them to do so by giving them power).
We ought to make things happen instead of complaining most of the time.
Bo talks about Learned Power and Learned Helplessness. Both of which we reinforce one day at a time, one choice at a time.
Sometimes we also blame ourselves but that makes us lose the power over our own lives. Having power means taking responsibility. Shaming only works against the self. Any examination of conscience msut focus on receiving love that will heal instead of harping on the sin that we have the change - the more important of the two is love and not the sin.
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